A guy asked his Dad to get him a bike.
Dad got angry and asked "Why has God given you two legs?"
Guy answered "One to apply brake and other to change gears"
There is a similarity between a woman's tears and Cauvery water...
Both will come in less quantities but will create big problems.
An "outstanding" student never stands outside the class.
A "promising" cricketer never lights camphor to prove it.
A "fast moving" mosquito coil is branded "tortoise".
Smugglers and thieves would never use "shoulder bags".
Because... athu "maatikira" pai (a bag which gets caught - in Tamil)
Wife gives a hint to husband to buy a car saying
"Darling... get me something which goes from 0 to 80 in 3 seconds when I am on it"
Husband gifted her a "Weighing Machine"
What is the difference between Parrot & Peacock?
Parrot is "Josiya" Paravai (Astrological Bird)
Peacock is "Desiya" Paravai (National Bird)
Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans.
Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. 'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:
Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!!
Husband is watching tv and crying....
Wife: Why are you crying? which serial ur watching?
Husband: its not serial its our marriage CD....
Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date
Santa: I havent slept all night in the train
Friend: Why?
Santa: Got upper berth
Friend: Why didnt you exchange with the man in the lower berth
Santa: because there was no one in the lower berth.
************************
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Santa: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
************************
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes to china to find meaning of friend's last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON THE OXYGEN TUBE!"
************************
Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Santa:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
************************
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
************************
Santa proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'..........
Santa said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
************************
Santa told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Santa: So what take an umbrella and go.
************************
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
************************
2 Santas were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Santa 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
************************
Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
************************
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 daysago,
he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
************************
Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
************************
Salesman:This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Santa:That is great, I will take two of them
************************
Santa: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Banta: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!
************************
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
Mr.X: I lost my cheque book
Bank Manager: Be careful. Somebody may sign like you and encash
Mr.X: I am not a fool. I have already signed in all the leaves
Mr.X and his wife went on an African Safari, while a lion suddenly dragged
Mr.X's wife with its jaws.
Wife screamed: "Come on... quick... shoot him... shoot him"
Mr.X replied: "Wait... Let me change the battery of my camera first"
Dad got angry and asked "Why has God given you two legs?"
Guy answered "One to apply brake and other to change gears"
There is a similarity between a woman's tears and Cauvery water...
Both will come in less quantities but will create big problems.
An "outstanding" student never stands outside the class.
A "promising" cricketer never lights camphor to prove it.
A "fast moving" mosquito coil is branded "tortoise".
Smugglers and thieves would never use "shoulder bags".
Because... athu "maatikira" pai (a bag which gets caught - in Tamil)
Wife gives a hint to husband to buy a car saying
"Darling... get me something which goes from 0 to 80 in 3 seconds when I am on it"
Husband gifted her a "Weighing Machine"
What is the difference between Parrot & Peacock?
Parrot is "Josiya" Paravai (Astrological Bird)
Peacock is "Desiya" Paravai (National Bird)
Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans.
Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. 'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:
Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!!
Husband is watching tv and crying....
Wife: Why are you crying? which serial ur watching?
Husband: its not serial its our marriage CD....
Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date
Santa: I havent slept all night in the train
Friend: Why?
Santa: Got upper berth
Friend: Why didnt you exchange with the man in the lower berth
Santa: because there was no one in the lower berth.
************************
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Santa: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
************************
Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Santa goes to china to find meaning of friend's last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON THE OXYGEN TUBE!"
************************
Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Santa:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
************************
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
************************
Santa proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'..........
Santa said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
************************
Santa told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Santa: So what take an umbrella and go.
************************
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Santa: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
************************
2 Santas were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Santa 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
************************
Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
************************
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 daysago,
he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
************************
Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
************************
Salesman:This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Santa:That is great, I will take two of them
************************
Santa: U know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Banta: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!
************************
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
Mr.X: I lost my cheque book
Bank Manager: Be careful. Somebody may sign like you and encash
Mr.X: I am not a fool. I have already signed in all the leaves
Mr.X and his wife went on an African Safari, while a lion suddenly dragged
Mr.X's wife with its jaws.
Wife screamed: "Come on... quick... shoot him... shoot him"
Mr.X replied: "Wait... Let me change the battery of my camera first"
